The Kettlewell Joke Shop

I say, I say, I say...

"We've been weighing up the pros and cons of moving to Switzerland. The flag is certainly a big plus."

sent in by RobL

I say, I say, I say...

"A mate of mine is a retired cricket umpire. He doesn’t lift a finger now."

sent in by SimonD

I say, I say, I say...

"Why was the sheep arrested on the motorway? For doing a ewe turn!"

I say, I say, I say...

"What's brown and 'sticky'? A stick."

sent in by RobL

I say, I say, I say...

"If you say gullible slowly, it sounds like oranges."

sent in by Friends of Kettlewell School

I say, I say, I say...

"What do you get when you cross a sheep with a kangaroo? A woolly jumper."

I say, I say, I say...

"Have you heard about the magic tractor? It went down the lane and turned into a field!"

sent in by NancyJ

I say, I say, I say...

"A bear walks into a pub and  says " A pint of lager and a ........................... packet of crisps please" The bartender replies "Why the big pause?" The bear answers, I don't know, I have always had them!"

sent in by JessicaW

I say, I say, I say...

"Man: “Doctor I feel like a supermarket" Doctor: “How long have you felt like this?” Man: “Ever since I was Lidl.”"

sent in by AdrianMc

I say, I say, I say...

"What happened when a hyena ate an oxo cube? It made a laughing stock of itself!"

sent in by EileenF

I say, I say, I say...

"My friend Jack claims he can communicate with vegetables. Jack and the beans talk."

sent in by AdrianMc

I say, I say, I say...

"I’ve just decided to sell our hoover. It was just collecting dust."

sent in by Kettlewell Hostel

I say, I say, I say...

"What do chickens dream of? The day they can cross the road without their motives being questioned!"

sent in by JennyD

I say, I say, I say...

"My friend asked me to round up his 37 sheep.  I said 40. "

I say, I say, I say...

"What did the right eye say to the left eye? Something between us smells!"

sent in by JohnH

I say, I say, I say...

"Where do sheep go on holiday? Baa-bados!"

I say, I say, I say...

"Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”"

sent in by AdrianMc

I say, I say, I say...

"What’s the difference between a teacher and train? One says spit it out, the other chew chew."

sent in by NathanJ

I say, I say, I say...

"What’s a sheep’s favourite cereal crop? Baa-ley!"

I say, I say, I say...

"How does the ocean say hello to the sea? It waves!"

sent in by AndreaC

I say, I say, I say...

"Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay they’d be called bagels."

Kettlewell Scarecrow Festival

I say, I say, I say...

"Why did the scarecrow get promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field."

sent in by CarolineJ

I say, I say, I say...

"What’s brown and runs round a fence? A field!"

sent in by LizH

I say, I say, I say...

"A man walks into a Bar. OUCH."

sent in by KateB

I say, I say, I say...

"What time is it when there's a pork pie on the clock? Summat to ate."

sent in by Bells&Bikes

I say, I say, I say...

"Where do sheep keep their money? Baa-clays Bank!"

I say, I say, I say...

"Did you know that 97% of the world is stupid? Luckily I’m in the other 5%."

sent in by AdrianMc

I say, I say, I say...

"What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud!"

I say, I say, I say...

"I have a joinery joke about drilling holes. It's very Boring though…"

sent in by RobL

I say, I say, I say...

"Why is the sand wet? Because the seaweed…"

sent in by AllyK