The Kettlewell Joke Shop

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"I have a joinery joke about drilling holes. It's very Boring though…"

sent in by RobL

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"Man: “Doctor I feel like a supermarket" Doctor: “How long have you felt like this?” Man: “Ever since I was Lidl.”"

sent in by AdrianMc

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"Where do sheep keep their money? Baa-clays Bank!"

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"My friend asked me to round up his 37 sheep.  I said 40. "

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"What did the right eye say to the left eye? Something between us smells!"

sent in by JohnH

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"Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”"

sent in by AdrianMc

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"What's brown and 'sticky'? A stick."

sent in by RobL

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"Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay they’d be called bagels."

Kettlewell Scarecrow Festival

I say, I say, I say...

"Why is the sand wet? Because the seaweed…"

sent in by AllyK

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"What do you get when you cross a sheep with a kangaroo? A woolly jumper."

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"What’s the difference between a teacher and train? One says spit it out, the other chew chew."

sent in by NathanJ

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"We've been weighing up the pros and cons of moving to Switzerland. The flag is certainly a big plus."

sent in by RobL

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"A bear walks into a pub and  says " A pint of lager and a ........................... packet of crisps please" The bartender replies "Why the big pause?" The bear answers, I don't know, I have always had them!"

sent in by JessicaW

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"Boy: Doctor, doctor, I think my bottom’s broken.  Doctor: Why do you think that? Boy: There;s a crack in it!"

sent in by DarcyD

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"Have you heard about the magic tractor? It went down the lane and turned into a field!"

sent in by NancyJ

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"How does the ocean say hello to the sea? It waves!"

sent in by AndreaC

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"My friend Jack claims he can communicate with vegetables. Jack and the beans talk."

sent in by AdrianMc

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"What’s brown and runs round a fence? A field!"

sent in by LizH

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"What do chickens dream of? The day they can cross the road without their motives being questioned!"

sent in by JennyD

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"I’ve just decided to sell our hoover. It was just collecting dust."

sent in by Kettlewell Hostel

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"What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud!"

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"What happened when a hyena ate an oxo cube? It made a laughing stock of itself!"

sent in by EileenF

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"What’s a sheep’s favourite cereal crop? Baa-ley!"

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"Why was the sheep arrested on the motorway? For doing a ewe turn!"

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"Did you know that 97% of the world is stupid? Luckily I’m in the other 5%."

sent in by AdrianMc

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"A mate of mine is a retired cricket umpire. He doesn’t lift a finger now."

sent in by SimonD

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"If you say gullible slowly, it sounds like oranges."

sent in by Friends of Kettlewell School

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"Why did the scarecrow get promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field."

sent in by CarolineJ

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"What time is it when there's a pork pie on the clock? Summat to ate."

sent in by Bells&Bikes

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"Where do sheep go on holiday? Baa-bados!"