Noah, one of the Tales from God’s Own Country by Jean Briggs


Assta ‘eard all abaaht Noah? Tha noz yon chap ‘at built issen an ark aahta wood… Aye… that’s reight… im at loaded t’animals on two by two so theh’d not drown when God ‘ad this bright idea ť send lots o’ rain which carried-on ’till it flooded all t’ Earth… Aye… thas got it… ‘im.

Weeal ‘e wor sick-t-deeath o’ lookin at nowt but watter… an’ … probably… brassed-off wi aytin fish annall… so ‘ee decides to shove this dove aahtta one o’ t’ ark’s port-oiles to see if it can seek aaht a dry bitta land. Onyroad… it mustta fun none, cos it comes back.

Seven days later Noah shoves ť same dove aaht aggen, but this time it comes back wi an olive-branch. T’ owd lad’s fair-suited ‘cos ‘ee rekkens there must bi summat else aaht theer besides watter. After waitin’ another week t’ gie ť dove a bit-of-a-breather, ‘ee shoves ť same dove aahta ť port-oile aggen… only this time it dussn’t come back. Weeal… t’ only explanation can be either ť blinkin dove ‘s fallen in t’ watter an’ drowned… else it mussta fun somewhere ť land… and beggar-me… when Noah looks aahtta ť port-oile… all t watter’s gone… leavin’ behind a lotta muck n’stuff. Aye… it wor that boggy Noah ‘ad ť ‘od’ ‘is rush an stop on tark forra while longer.

It took eight weeks t’ get t’ world dried out aggen an put back ť wot it was ‘afore it started raining. God mussta bin a bit barmy! He vowed nivver to do ť same thing aggen… even if earthly fowk do do daft stuff.

As long as there’s an Earth there’s banna be springtime… ‘n harvest… ‘n heat… ‘n winter ‘n summer… days ‘n neets.

An’ Noah wor glad to knock ť idea of ť Ark on t’ eead… An’ by-gum it felt good.

So now tha knaws.