Joseph, one of the Tales from God’s Own Country by Jean Briggs

Joseph

Na then… thall atta wait while I gather missen else tha might get t’ wrong tale… Reight… ‘am abaaht ready… so pin back thi lug-oiles an’ listen an’ laarn.

As I recall there wor this chap called Jacob… I forget ‘is exact age… but I know ‘ee wor a bit long in ť tooth. That said… ovver t’ years ‘ee’d managed ť produce a big family… all lads… but it’ wor t’ youngest lad, Joseph, who wor ť apple of ‘is fatthers eye. Weeal… more often than not it’s usually t’ case i’nt it? T’ youngest allus seems ť get spoilt rotten while t’ others feel theh’ve getten their noses shoved aaht.

Anyroad… between thee an’ me… an’ just ť put thee in t’ picture… young Joseph an’ ‘is brothers didn’t get on… ť put it in a nutshell they ‘ated ‘im ‘cos they wor jealous. To mek matters worse… Jacob… t’ fatther… bought Joseph a new colourful coit. An’ it seems likely t’other lads got nowt. Imagine ‘ow thaa’d feel under t’same circumstances… if tha’s treatin’ one tha should be treatin’ t’ others, or tha’s askin’ fo’ trouble!

Donned up in yon posh coit, Joseph became famous fo’ struttin’ abaaht as if ‘ee wor t’ Cock o’ ť North… best mek that ť Cock o’ ť East… while ‘is brothers poked fun at ‘im an’ slagged ‘im off behind his back!

T’final straw kem after Joseph sed ‘ee ‘d bin “avin dreams ‘at med ‘im aaht to bi ť hero ivvery time. T’ brothers rekkened ‘he wor gettin’ a bit too big for ‘is booits an’ ‘ee needed bringin’ daahn more than a-peg-or-two! They decided life ‘d be better off for ’em all wi’ ‘im ahtta ť way… so they sold ‘im off to a slave trader.

Feared they’d probably get skinned-alive if t’ fatther should ivver discovered ť truth o’ wot they’d done… them lads looked Jacob straight in’t ee an’ lied-through-their back-teeth…they said Joseph ‘d bin killed bi a wild beast… the rotten beggars. They even went s’ far as to dip yon coit o’ many colours in animal blood t’ convince ť father yon tale wor true. Aye… they mightta felt good for a while thinkin’ they’d getten away wi it… but as we all know… ť truth ‘as a nasty ‘abit of coming back an’ bitein thee on thi bum!

So now tha knaws.