David & Golliath, one of the Tales from God’s Own Country by Jean Briggs

David & Golliath

This chap, Goliath, sarved in t’ Philistine army… an’ ‘ee bye gum… tha’s nivver sin a fella like ‘im. ‘Ee wor a proper giant of a man… some seh ‘ee wor owwer nine feet tall. Weeal… tha can imagine can’t tha… when ‘ee’s donned in t’ suit of armour ‘ee mussta fleared t’ Israelite soldiers t’ deeath.

An’ ‘ee wor allus tormentin’ ’em… eggin ’em on… aye. Day-after-day for abaaht forty days all told accordin’ ter yon Bible.

One o’ t’ Israelites, Jesse, ‘ad lads sarvin’ in t’ army under King Saul. Frettin’ abaaht ‘is lads ‘ee sends ‘is youngest son, David… who wor nobbert a bit of a kid… ter t’ battle-lines to check up on ‘is brothers and find out if they wer awlreight.

Weeal… when David gets theer… ‘ee ‘ears Goliath shoutin’ an’ carryin’ on… an’ it mussta bin gerrin on ‘is nerves ‘cos nobbdi seemed t’ bi doin owt abaaht it. ‘Ee sez: “I’ve just abaaht ‘ad enough o’ this malarky… it’s gien mi eeadache… ‘an ‘ee needs soartin’ aaht!”

In a mad ig ‘ee stomps off ter talk ter t’ top man, King Saul, an’ volunteers t’ feight yon giant bully… Goliath.

Course everybody laughed. “Tha’s nobbert a bit of a whipper-snapper David… Goliath’s banna kill thi,” t’ King sed. “onyroad, we’ve no armour ter fit thi.” David whittled on at t’ King until ‘ee finally gev-in.

Naah… Goliath steps aaht donned in full body armour; fettled-up ter t’ nines wi a sword… a spear… an’ a javelin. Yon David’s donnin wor a simple tunic. ‘Ee ‘ad a shepherd’s bag full o’ stones, an’ a sling shot… but ‘ee knew God wor on ‘is side, so ‘ee wasn’t fleared.

Afore tha could seh “Jack Robinson”… t’ lad whips aaht a stone frae ‘is bag, ‘an lobs it at Goliath wi ‘is sling. It finds a chink in ‘is armour… an’ smacks ‘im inter ‘is ‘eead that ‘ard I suppose tha can seh it killed ‘im stone-deead.

T’ upshot wor t’ King med David t’ Commander of ‘is army… an’ ivverybody felt good.

So naah tha knaws!