Adam & Eve, one of the Tales from God’s Own Country by Jean Briggs
Adam & Eve
It’s writ in yon Bible ‘at God created ‘eaven an’ earth; ‘t seas an’ ‘t skies; an all ‘ats in ‘em is. Next kem t’creatures great ‘n small; t’sun; an’ t’mooin an’ t’stars annall. It nobbert took ‘im six days… an’ it felt good! Bi t’seventh day God said “This creatin’ lark ‘as tired me aaht so I’m banna call it a day… t’Sabbath day… AN’ AM DOIN’ NOWT! An’ it felt good!
Naah, as luck would ‘ave it, God ‘ad also created t’first man… Adam; an’ t’first woman… Eve. They were sat under a tree in’t Garden of Eden when Eve fancied summat t’ayte an’… as it ‘appened… this tree was full o’ varry tasty lookin’ fruit. “if tha thinks thas gettin’ ony fruit frae this particular tree tha can think aggen” Adam sez… “God gev strict instructions to leave this special tree alone.” Weeal tha noz what lasses are like… they allus manage t’get their own way in t’end… especially when they’ev getten n’clothes on… an’ t’pair of em ‘ad bin laikin abaaht stark naked all day. Weeal ‘appen t’penny suddenly dropped ‘cos they began t’feel right embarrassed.
That same neet they ‘eard God wanderin’ round in t’garden so they scarpered away an’ hid… but tha noz… tha can’t ‘ide owt frae God… Nay… He didn’t fall off a flittin! “What assta aggeat Adam? Wheear issta ‘idin? Shouts God. Fleared-t’-deeath Adam whimpers “Am ovver ‘ere God… under a bush… I’ve getten n’clothes on.” God softened a bit an’ sez gently “Eeh lad… ‘ow dussta know thas’ getten n’clothes on when clothes aven’t bin invented yet… Ah rekken tha’s getten a guilty conscience… an’ am mithered t’deeath abaaht yon tree I tell thee nivver t’touch… assta bin at it?”
Weeal t’game wor up! God played-heck… aye… they ‘ad a reight set-to. He ends-up banishin’ Adam an’ Eve frae t’Garden of Eden – wheear they’d bin livin’ t’life o’Riley. He wor that upset He said they’d atta fend fo’ thessens.
They mussta done alreight though… cos they still managed t’ayte plenty o’ fruit else none of us’d be ere, would we. An’ as sure as eggs is eggs aah’ll bet it did feel good!
So now tha knaws.